The Quarter Life Crisis
You better believe that it is real!
Maybe you have experienced it before. Or maybe you haven't. Either way it is as real as you and me. And the problem is, it doesn't just come in one wave. At least for me it hasn't.
I would bet that a majority of us know what a mid life crisis is. A quarter life crisis is basically the same thing, but it happens when you're young. Okay so maybe we don't make the same kind of decisions but it still happens. Maybe we don't decide to buy a sports car, or go on an African Safari with our buddies, but we still feel lost and unsure and like we are missing out on something.
It may seem a little ridiculous that a 21 year old could be sitting here talking about having a quarter life crisis, but I think part of the reason mine came on so quick has to do with the kind of culture I grew up in.
Now I don't want to make it seem like the culture that I grew up in was bad or that I hated it. In fact, I didn't realize how much I loved it until I moved away to college. But it still did some damage. I grew up in an area with a very high concentration of people who are members of the church. And I loved that. But it wasn't until later that I realized that it kind of messed me up. I grew up thinking about my life and how I would be married and at least pregnant by the time I turned 21. I would have a successful husband and a cute little house and would spend all my time as a stay at home wife/mom. I would have graduated college already and everything would be great! I thought this was how my life was going to go because that is what I saw for the most part. I saw the girls graduating fro
m high school, getting married, and then getting pregnant right away. I saw these girls and I seriously thought my life wasn't going to start until then.
I learned pretty quickly that that is not how life really goes. So once I moved through that part, I thought I was going to be fine. I found out how to be a young and single college girl. I was going to not stress about the fact that my plan for my life didn't quite go as planned. I was going to just be this girl who was confident in herself and where she was in life! But I didn't think I would have to be this girl for as long as I have. Which, once again, I know sounds ridiculous.
So then you start thinking okay well I am going to enjoy this time while I am young and single! You start thinking about all the people who tell you that you are only young once so enjoy it while you can. So then you think and plan. You say, I am going to go to the concerts and take spontaneous road trips and maybe take a semester off and study abroad! I am going to meet lots of new people and do fun thing
s! But once again, I learned quickly that that is not realistic either. You need money to do those kinds of things. Money which I do not have. Plus there is school on top of it and I have learned the hard way that staying in to study may pay off more then going to that dance party. And once again I was okay with it.
Until I moved back home again.
I think it was really an ego check for me. I had to come back home, live under my parents rules again, go back to a job that I feel like is more for high schoolers, go back to a ward that I feel like is stuck in high school still, and on top of it, be here while every single one of my friends was not.
That I think is the worst part.
For the first little while it wasn't bad at all! I threw myself into work and church and I was fine! But the longer I've been home, the worse it's gotten. I've been stuck in a rut of work, home, work, home, work, home, work, home, church, home, etc. I was stuck here and I saw my friends on Snapchat and Twitter off having fun and living their lives and it sucked. I started feeling so down on myself. I would think about later on in life and what I would regret more, being broke but living my life? Or constantly working and having money. So I decided that I would live my life. But, like I said earlier, you can't really do things if you don't have the money to do it.
But what could I do?
What can I do?
I watch my sister as she has started her senior year and think back to what it was like. I couldn't wait to graduate and start my life. But honestly at this point in time I wish I could go back to that time. To when I would see my friends every day, when my teachers actually knew my name, to when I would go to football games. To when I would spend hours upon hours watching sappy romance movies with my best friend. When I would hold hands with the kid sitting next to me in seminary just for the heck of it. When the only thing I had to worry about was if my homework was done and if I was home before curfew.
I think one of the things that makes the Quarter Life Crisis so real and so painful is that we all have these hopes and these dreams of where we want to be in life. You have this timeline for your life and for most people you learn rather quickly that life goes does NOT go according to plan a large majority of the time. Just like I did, you think that you will reach certain milestones by the time reach a certain age, and a lot of the time it doesn't quite happen like that.
I yearn for those simpler times from high school when I could live off of babysitting money because I didn't have to worry about paying rent or buying groceries. But at the same time, I like growing up.
So how do you get out of this revolving door of feeling like your doing good in life and then falling into a slump of feeling like you are for sure failing at life?
Well if I had the answer I would definitely share it with you!
I don't think there is just one answer though. I think it all depends on you and your situation. For me, the answer is usually throwing myself into something else, whether it be work, or reading, or planning things with my family. Everyone is different though. I can promise you this though, one day it will all get better. Your life will kind of take off in the direction that is right for you and you will feel like you are finally on steady ground. And, please don't forget that you are important. No matter how confusing. frustrating, disappointing, annoying, and/or terrifying life may get, it will get better. Life has its ups and downs, but you and your life are both important. If you remember that, I promise that you can make it through anything.
Maybe you have experienced it before. Or maybe you haven't. Either way it is as real as you and me. And the problem is, it doesn't just come in one wave. At least for me it hasn't.
I would bet that a majority of us know what a mid life crisis is. A quarter life crisis is basically the same thing, but it happens when you're young. Okay so maybe we don't make the same kind of decisions but it still happens. Maybe we don't decide to buy a sports car, or go on an African Safari with our buddies, but we still feel lost and unsure and like we are missing out on something.
It may seem a little ridiculous that a 21 year old could be sitting here talking about having a quarter life crisis, but I think part of the reason mine came on so quick has to do with the kind of culture I grew up in.
Now I don't want to make it seem like the culture that I grew up in was bad or that I hated it. In fact, I didn't realize how much I loved it until I moved away to college. But it still did some damage. I grew up in an area with a very high concentration of people who are members of the church. And I loved that. But it wasn't until later that I realized that it kind of messed me up. I grew up thinking about my life and how I would be married and at least pregnant by the time I turned 21. I would have a successful husband and a cute little house and would spend all my time as a stay at home wife/mom. I would have graduated college already and everything would be great! I thought this was how my life was going to go because that is what I saw for the most part. I saw the girls graduating fro
m high school, getting married, and then getting pregnant right away. I saw these girls and I seriously thought my life wasn't going to start until then.I learned pretty quickly that that is not how life really goes. So once I moved through that part, I thought I was going to be fine. I found out how to be a young and single college girl. I was going to not stress about the fact that my plan for my life didn't quite go as planned. I was going to just be this girl who was confident in herself and where she was in life! But I didn't think I would have to be this girl for as long as I have. Which, once again, I know sounds ridiculous.
So then you start thinking okay well I am going to enjoy this time while I am young and single! You start thinking about all the people who tell you that you are only young once so enjoy it while you can. So then you think and plan. You say, I am going to go to the concerts and take spontaneous road trips and maybe take a semester off and study abroad! I am going to meet lots of new people and do fun thing
s! But once again, I learned quickly that that is not realistic either. You need money to do those kinds of things. Money which I do not have. Plus there is school on top of it and I have learned the hard way that staying in to study may pay off more then going to that dance party. And once again I was okay with it. Until I moved back home again.
I think it was really an ego check for me. I had to come back home, live under my parents rules again, go back to a job that I feel like is more for high schoolers, go back to a ward that I feel like is stuck in high school still, and on top of it, be here while every single one of my friends was not.
That I think is the worst part.
For the first little while it wasn't bad at all! I threw myself into work and church and I was fine! But the longer I've been home, the worse it's gotten. I've been stuck in a rut of work, home, work, home, work, home, work, home, church, home, etc. I was stuck here and I saw my friends on Snapchat and Twitter off having fun and living their lives and it sucked. I started feeling so down on myself. I would think about later on in life and what I would regret more, being broke but living my life? Or constantly working and having money. So I decided that I would live my life. But, like I said earlier, you can't really do things if you don't have the money to do it.
But what could I do?
What can I do?
I watch my sister as she has started her senior year and think back to what it was like. I couldn't wait to graduate and start my life. But honestly at this point in time I wish I could go back to that time. To when I would see my friends every day, when my teachers actually knew my name, to when I would go to football games. To when I would spend hours upon hours watching sappy romance movies with my best friend. When I would hold hands with the kid sitting next to me in seminary just for the heck of it. When the only thing I had to worry about was if my homework was done and if I was home before curfew.
I think one of the things that makes the Quarter Life Crisis so real and so painful is that we all have these hopes and these dreams of where we want to be in life. You have this timeline for your life and for most people you learn rather quickly that life goes does NOT go according to plan a large majority of the time. Just like I did, you think that you will reach certain milestones by the time reach a certain age, and a lot of the time it doesn't quite happen like that.
I yearn for those simpler times from high school when I could live off of babysitting money because I didn't have to worry about paying rent or buying groceries. But at the same time, I like growing up.
So how do you get out of this revolving door of feeling like your doing good in life and then falling into a slump of feeling like you are for sure failing at life?
Well if I had the answer I would definitely share it with you!
I don't think there is just one answer though. I think it all depends on you and your situation. For me, the answer is usually throwing myself into something else, whether it be work, or reading, or planning things with my family. Everyone is different though. I can promise you this though, one day it will all get better. Your life will kind of take off in the direction that is right for you and you will feel like you are finally on steady ground. And, please don't forget that you are important. No matter how confusing. frustrating, disappointing, annoying, and/or terrifying life may get, it will get better. Life has its ups and downs, but you and your life are both important. If you remember that, I promise that you can make it through anything.
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