Date Yourself Part II: Becoming The Person Your Future Husband (Or Wife) Deserves

Almost two years ago I wrote a post called Dating: Yay or Nay? I received quite a bit of positive feedback from it too! Now that I am older and have experienced more things though, I have found that it needs a bit of updating. So that's what I am going to do today.

Two years ago I talked about how we need to stop worrying so much about dating and "date ourselves first". I don't mean we shouldn't go on dates. In fact quite the opposite! We should go on dates! But I think we need to be smart enough to know when we are ready to date or when we might need a break. If all we do is date the same kind of people or even the same person over and over again, we might be come blind to the things out there in the world for us to do. We might risk other relationships with friends and family, and even though we may not realize it at the moment, we can change. And the change isn't always for the best either. We can become somebody we never dreamed of being.

Let me just pause here for a moment and let you know my current situation. I will be turning 19 years old in about five months and I have still yet to go on a single date. It's not that I don't want to go on dates, because I do, but because of other circumstances (mainly the people around me) I have not been asked out or asked anyone out yet. Not even to a school dance. And honestly I'm okay with that. As much as I would like to go out on dates, it just hasn't happened for me yet. Okay now back to what I was talking about earlier.

To kind of "demonstrate" (for lack of a better word) what I mean, let me share a story with you.

One of the Beehive Advisors in my ward gave a lesson once about "Becoming a 10". She talked about our future spouse and asked us what characteristics and things we wanted in our future spouse. The usually answers came up.

Return Missionary
Strong Testimony
Good With Kids
Cute
Good Cook
Funny
College Graduate
Buff (that got some laughs from the younger girls)
Smart
Goes To Church Every Sunday
Nice To His Family

And the list went on. She raised the question that all of us young women want to marry a man that is a "10" right? Well of course we would! Who wouldn't want to marry the person of their dreams?

But the more important question she asked was what are we on the scale? Are we a 6? Maybe some of us are a 8. Or even a 3. Why would I guy who is a 10, marry someone who is a 6 or a 3? He wouldn't want to right? He would want a 10! She told us that we needed to consider a different list. Not about the guy we want to marry (the perfect 10) but what kind of person do we want to be for our future husband? So the list started again.
 
Strong Testimony
Funny
Good Cook
Loving
Kind
Good Listener
Good With Kids
Smart
College Graduate 
(and for some) Return Missionary

When the lists were once again complete, she told us that in order to marry a 10, we need to be a 10. But she told us that in order to be a 10, we needed to start working towards becoming that person now, rather than later.

I loved that lesson! I don't believe she was trying to say that none of us are good enough to marry someone who is a 10 or that she was calling us all a 4 or something, but she was helping us realize that we need to be the kind person that our future spouse deserves and we need to start now to become that person!

So we go back to the idea of dating yourself. We need to get to know ourselves, and work towards being the person our future spouse deserves!

Since the missionary age has changed (and since I am older now) more and more of my friends are on or preparing to go on their mission. I see these amazing changes for the better happening in them! But in those two years (or 18 months for the girls) why should they be the only ones who change? We should be preparing and bettering ourselves for them when they come home! If we are waiting for a missionary and they come back the "perfect 10" and we are still sitting at a 6, we could get looked right over, because we didn't grow and become 10 that they deserve!

I'm not saying that we need to become better for someone else only, so please don't take it that way. What I am saying is we need to become the best that we can, for us right now, because in the long run, it will affect who you marry. If we strive to only be a 7, we will in turn marry a 7. But if we shoot to become that 10, we will marry someone also shooting for the 10.

If we want to become a better cook so you can cook for your future spouse, work on it!

If we want to be more patient, work on it!

If we want to graduate from college, we should do it!

If we want to have a stronger relationship with our Heavenly Father, work on it!

We all really do need to become the person that we would want to marry (or date) now rather than later! Because if we wait for later, it might be to late.

So get to know yourself. Figure out what kind of person you want to marry and what what kind of person you need to be to marry someone who is like that. And then become that person.

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