Staying Neutral
I don't know about you, but I often find myself in this cycle of knowing something, forgetting, and then having to relearn it. So sorry if my posts all sound the same. But I just recently "learned" something.
I don't have to have everything figured out.
That's it.
I don't have to have everything figured out.
I am someone who stresses about the littlest and dumbest things. I know it's not healthy, but it just happens. I stress about some little thing so much that I work it up to be something so much bigger then it really is. That's just who I am. I think that I need to figure everything out and have everything planned out and have everything go perfectly. While in reality I bet I just look like a chicken running around with its head cut off. You can ask anyone who truly knows me, I work things up way more then I should. So let me tell you what led me up to realize that I don't have to have everything figured out.
I have been kind of stuck emotionally lately, if you know me really well then you know the situation I am referring too. I would read into everything that was said and done, or not said and not done. I would come up with unrealistic scenarios in my head and convince myself that if they didn't happen then everything would be disastrous and I would end up embarrassed and hurt and it would be a terrible situation. I would spend countless hours stressing over this and I am sure my friends hate me for it because they always got the late night texts about it.
Then recently I kind of got hurt. It was all my own doing though. I had built things up so much and had convinced myself that it was the absolute worst case scenario. In reality, nothing was wrong and I had hurt myself. I told myself that I needed to get over it and try to live my life. So that's what I did. I kind of started looking at other options and avenues, but I wouldn't let myself choose one because I was trying to stay neutral. Sure, I did catch myself slipping down a certain path a time or two, but for the most part, I tried to just stay neutral and really take time to focus on me, my school work, and living my life while I am still young.
This all leads me to today.
It all happened within a matter of hours actually.
Nothing bad happened. In fact, it was all good stuff. Things that I had worried and stressed about for literally months were being resolved in my own head and the little things I would stress about on a daily basis were happening but I wasn't stressed. Everything just sort of felt natural. I found myself at a very interesting spot. Two avenues kind of presented themselves. Honestly, there is absolutely nothing guaranteed if I take either one. One I have tried to navigate for months but due to my own stress and worries I could never figure out, while the other one is new and kind of mysterious. I was thinking about which one I should really focus my energy on when it kind of hit me, I don't have to choose. I an stay neutral.
I can stay right where I am and focus on becoming the best me. I don't have to have everything figured out. Things change all of the time and can change so quickly. One or both of these paths could be gone tomorrow. One could slowly start to fade out of my life or become more prominent. A totally different path can present itself next week. In reality, I don't know what the future holds, so why should I spend my time worrying about the things that I can not control and can not see? Why should I stress so much that I end up having mini break downs to my friends basically once a week? It doesn't make sense to do that! So for now, I am going to try and stay neutral. Let the wind take me where I need to go and honestly just see what happens. There is less pain involved and I can focus more on becoming a better me, which if you read my blog often you know that I am always trying to become a better version of myself.
So for now, I am staying neutral. I am going to wait it out and see what happens. I am not going to avoid both paths entirely, but I am not going to commit to one that may turn out to be a dead end. I am going to stay neutral between the two.
I don't have to have everything figured out.
That's it.
I don't have to have everything figured out.
I am someone who stresses about the littlest and dumbest things. I know it's not healthy, but it just happens. I stress about some little thing so much that I work it up to be something so much bigger then it really is. That's just who I am. I think that I need to figure everything out and have everything planned out and have everything go perfectly. While in reality I bet I just look like a chicken running around with its head cut off. You can ask anyone who truly knows me, I work things up way more then I should. So let me tell you what led me up to realize that I don't have to have everything figured out.
I have been kind of stuck emotionally lately, if you know me really well then you know the situation I am referring too. I would read into everything that was said and done, or not said and not done. I would come up with unrealistic scenarios in my head and convince myself that if they didn't happen then everything would be disastrous and I would end up embarrassed and hurt and it would be a terrible situation. I would spend countless hours stressing over this and I am sure my friends hate me for it because they always got the late night texts about it.
Then recently I kind of got hurt. It was all my own doing though. I had built things up so much and had convinced myself that it was the absolute worst case scenario. In reality, nothing was wrong and I had hurt myself. I told myself that I needed to get over it and try to live my life. So that's what I did. I kind of started looking at other options and avenues, but I wouldn't let myself choose one because I was trying to stay neutral. Sure, I did catch myself slipping down a certain path a time or two, but for the most part, I tried to just stay neutral and really take time to focus on me, my school work, and living my life while I am still young.
This all leads me to today.
It all happened within a matter of hours actually.
Nothing bad happened. In fact, it was all good stuff. Things that I had worried and stressed about for literally months were being resolved in my own head and the little things I would stress about on a daily basis were happening but I wasn't stressed. Everything just sort of felt natural. I found myself at a very interesting spot. Two avenues kind of presented themselves. Honestly, there is absolutely nothing guaranteed if I take either one. One I have tried to navigate for months but due to my own stress and worries I could never figure out, while the other one is new and kind of mysterious. I was thinking about which one I should really focus my energy on when it kind of hit me, I don't have to choose. I an stay neutral.
I can stay right where I am and focus on becoming the best me. I don't have to have everything figured out. Things change all of the time and can change so quickly. One or both of these paths could be gone tomorrow. One could slowly start to fade out of my life or become more prominent. A totally different path can present itself next week. In reality, I don't know what the future holds, so why should I spend my time worrying about the things that I can not control and can not see? Why should I stress so much that I end up having mini break downs to my friends basically once a week? It doesn't make sense to do that! So for now, I am going to try and stay neutral. Let the wind take me where I need to go and honestly just see what happens. There is less pain involved and I can focus more on becoming a better me, which if you read my blog often you know that I am always trying to become a better version of myself.
So for now, I am staying neutral. I am going to wait it out and see what happens. I am not going to avoid both paths entirely, but I am not going to commit to one that may turn out to be a dead end. I am going to stay neutral between the two.
Comments
Post a Comment