Idaho Saved My Life



All growing up I thought I would live in Arizona forever.

I never saw myself going to school somewhere that wasn't within an hour of my house, and I definitely never saw myself moving 700+ miles away.

I thought that Arizona was my place. I thought that I would meet someone from Arizona, marry them, and spend the rest of my life there. In fact, that is how I wanted my life to go. I wanted to stay forever. The thought of ever living somewhere else scared me. I knew what to expect and the kind of life I would most likely get in Arizona. And knowing that was comforting. It was safe. It was what I was used to. I didn't want to change any of that.

But yet I did.

When it was time to apply for colleges, I was incredibly confused. I suddenly didn't know what I wanted to do with my life. I was only 18, but yet I was having such a hard time deciding what to do. I didn't know if I wanted to go to college. I didn't know if I wanted to try to just jump right into the work force and hopefully find something that worked for me with no college education. I didn't know what I wanted. This was all during the time after the missionary age change had taken place and it seemed like girls were suddenly expected to serve missions. I had thought that I was going to go for awhile too. I had started telling people that I was planning on serving a mission, but suddenly I found myself in my Senior English class staring at college applications.

I didn't know what to do.

I decided that I would apply to both BYU and BYU-Idaho but most likly just attend community college close to home. I had come to the decision that if a mission really was meant for me, every thing would point me in that direction. Well, I finished my applications, and I waited. And waited. And waited. I waited for what seemed like ever! At this point I come to realize that maybe I wasn't meant to serve as a full time missionary. But I was still waiting to know what to do about my future. Finally one evening I got an email. I was at a Phoenix Suns game when the email came in. I knew what it was going to say. I had seen on social media that BYU-Idaho had been sending out their acceptance letters and I knew that almost everyone got in. I decided to wait until I got home to open it so I could be with my family.

When I finally did open it up and read my acceptance letter, I had an overwellming feeling come over me that Idaho is where I needed to be. It was such a strong impression that I know came from my Heavenly Father telling me that Idaho is where I needed to be. I hadn't even gotten my letter from BYU yet, even though I knew I wouldn't get in, and I already knew where I needed to be.

I quickly got online, found an apartment, and started learning everything that I needed to know about attending school so far away. I had not even graduated high school yet and it seemed like I was already so ready to leave to the frozen tundra of Rexburg.

But I was terrified.

This was not the plan I had in mind for myself. In fact, this was so far from the plan. The months leading up to my big move seemed to take forever. The more people asked me if I was sure this is what I wanted, if I was excited, if I was ready for the freezing cold, the more nervous I got. I always told people that I was ready and excited to go, but in reality I was terrified. I had everything worked out already. I had an apartment, I was registered for classes, and I knew who my roommates where. I even found some comfort in the knowledge that my cousin and her husband lived in Rexburg too. I knew that it was where I needed to be, but some days leading up to my move I questioned whether it was where I really wanted to be or not.

The time finally came though.

I backed up my belongings, said my goodbyes, got in the car and started the long drive up north. I was more excited then I had ever been. Yet, even on the drive up to Rexburg I sat in the back of my parents car wondering if this is actually what I wanted to do. Every time these thoughts, these doubts would come in to my mind I would remember that initial feeling of knowing that I needed to be there. Thinking back on that would bring me such peace. I would take a deep breath and know that no matter what happened I needed to be there. So I clung to that feeling. I put some serious trust in my Heavenly Father and did the thing that scared me the most.

I left behind everything that I knew.

Everything that was safe.

And I finally made it to Idaho.

If you have read some of my past blog posts, you know that my life since moving to Rexburg has definitely not always been easy. I have been thrown out of my comfort zone more times than I count. I made friends and decisions that I have loved, and some that I have hated. After one particular semester I seriously thought I was done with it all and wanted to come home forever, and even did take a few semesters off at another point. But I have found myself always being pulled back to Idaho. I have learned so much about life, and about myself. I have become a person I don't recognize. And I at times I haven't always been proud of that person. Idaho gave me friends who are more like family now. It has given me chances to grow and learn in so many ways. It has given me a new perspective on life. It has given me opportunities to prove to myself that I can do hard things. It has pushed me out of my comfort zone and has even helped me surprise myself and willingly leap from that comfort zone. My testimony has been tested, and grown so much. I have come to know, trust, and rely on my Savior more then I ever had before! I have cried and laughed more than I probably ever have. I have learned patience, compassion, trust, love, faith, responsibility, diligence, and so many other things more than I think I ever had before. I have learned how to make $20 disappear in an hour and how to make $20 last me a whole month. I have come to realize the kinds of things and the kinds of people that I want in my life for the rest of it. Idaho has taught me how to truely live. I know for some that may sound so stupid, but for me it is true. I have learned how to take risks and experience life way more than I ever had in Arizona. I have learned how to enjoy life and live in the moment.

Idaho saved my life.

I truley believe that.

If I hadn't moved away from my sheltered bubble of Gilbert, if I hadn't followed that prompting to move 721 miles away from everything that I knew, then I wouldn't be the person that I am today. I wouldn't have met the people that I have. I wouldn't have learned so much about myself. I wouldn't have the plan and know the direction that I want my life to go in. I would be stuck in Arizona probably as the same girl that I was in high school. And the most terrifing part of all of that is, I know I would have been content with that.

Idaho still terrifies me sometimes. But now it is terrifies me in a good way. It is exciting. It is different. I am constantly learning and expereincing things that my old self would never do. I stay in Idaho because I know it is where I need to be. I still have things I need to learn. Both for my degree and just about life in general. I don't know exactly what is ahead for me, but I know that the things I have learned and the people I have met along the way will be there to help me if I need it.

I have come to love Idaho so much.

Idaho has become home.

Don't get me wrong, Arizona will always be home. It is where I was born. It is where I grew up. It is where all of my family is. But for now, at this stage in my life, Idaho is home.


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